Caws and COVID

How I returned from Tuscany to viral fog, sticky eyes—and a rook invasion

Isolation and Infection

I have COVID.

I feel miserable.

I'm in isolation, with a foggy head, aches and pains, a cough, a headache. My eyes are sticky—another charming symptom.

My wife and I returned from Tuscany on Tuesday, after a lovely walking holiday. Glorious countryside, good fun, new friends. But there was a bug going around the bus, and clearly it hitched a ride home with me.

We had fun and made new friends on our walking holiday in Tuscany. Photo credit: Justin Ivory © 2025

Enter the Rooks

As if the virus weren’t enough, another misery comes a close second: the rook invasion.

While we were away, scores of rooks moved into the trees around our home. And they’re driving me demented.

I’ve always delighted in the birdsong in our garden—thrushes, blackbirds, tits, finches, robins. But now, they can hardly be heard.

Instead, the garden is filled with the raucous caws and ceaseless squawks of these discordant intruders. It’s like living inside a Hitchcock film.

Probably a carrion crow but to my uninitiated eye he looks like a rook. Photo by Valentin Petkov on Unsplash

Crow Control: The Musical Edition

You can’t disturb them if they’re nesting but they’re not — it’s past the breeding season.

In my virus-induced stupor, I spent much of yesterday creating two Spotify playlists: Crow Serenade and Crow Serenade Lite.

A playlist that may yet prove useful for those who prefer birdsong, sleep and tranquility to the caws and squaks of rooks.

Both feature natural enemies of the rook—owls, eagles, hawks. The full version even includes the sound of shotguns. Yes, I know it's a crime to shoot them, and I wouldn’t, but I hoped the sound might drive them away. It didn’t.

I find it oddly satisfying. Some people make sourdough when they're ill. I wage sonic war.

From Tuscany to Turmoil

We made new friends in Tuscany. One of them, Justin, is knowledgeable about birds, and I was WhatsApping him yesterday, desperate for advice.

Justin and Joe imbibing a fine local wine 🍷 in Tuscany. Justin is a mine of information on birds, bats and nature.

Rooks are protected. You can’t shoot them—no matter how tempted you are to wring their necks.

But apparently, farmers sometimes use propane-powered bangs to scare them off outside the nesting season. And there's another method: buy an artificial dead crow and hang it near the trees they've colonized.

An artificial dead crow, available on Amazon. Apparently, hanging one of these can persuade rooks to consider relocating. Picture courtesy of Amazon.

So I went to Amazon. Ordered two.

Then saw the estimated delivery: late June.

It’s still May.

I nearly wept.

But wait—there was another seller offering the exact same artificial dead crow with much faster delivery. So I ordered again. Here’s hoping.

Too Far to Frighten?

I’ve no idea whether my Spotify playlist is doing any good. Maybe the speakers are too far from the rook HQ. If I were feeling better, I’d go out and stand nearer to the trees myself, blaring hawk calls and simulated shotgun blasts at full volume.

At the very least, they’d hear the eagles.

And know I mean business.

‘It’s like living inside a Hitchcock film.’ Photo by Alessandro Benassi on Unsplash

Hotel California

Speaking of Eagles, this atheist soul is fervently praying that our oak trees don’t become an avian Hotel California which rooks enter but never leave!

Happy days

Joe

Joe’s acclaimed first memoir In My Gut, I Don’t Believe is available on Amazon in Kindle, Paperback, Hardback and Audible editions. His second memoir Saved by a Woman is available on Amazon in Kindle, Paperback, and Hardback editions.