I wrote about Susan’s death.
It got to me.
Moved by words
This week, I wrote about Susan’s death. It got to me. Moved me.
Deciding how to write about something like that, arousing deep feelings in myself and my wife, and others who knew Susan, is challenging.
When I’d finished, my wife read it and thanked me. I couldn’t have asked for more.
Sensing how to write it, doing it and being moved by it, is gratifying as a writer. If it doesn’t move me, it’s not going to move the reader. It did.
Susan (28) was my wife’s sister, killed tragically in a car crash in 1994. Her untimely and sudden death was pivotal in the lives of those who knew and loved her.
Silent Mystery
Another thing of note in writing my second memoir last week was a section in the transcript of my audio diary of 29 years ago. It had a big build-up of tension but my journal was quiet as to the climax and cause of the worry.
‘I feel anxious. I just rang Ruth. She said: “I need to talk to you.” She didn’t want to tell me over the phone.
‘My first thought was the baby, five months in gestation. It would be very much formed. The worst news would be that Ruth would be taken from me. I wondered about my family, my mother, sister, brothers, nephew, niece. And Ruth’s family. I thought, I don’t know if I could take more bad news.’
Susan and, a day later, a teacher colleague of mine, had died only five weeks earlier.
Incomplete journal record
I was frustrated that the journal didn’t tell me what the issue was. As it was almost 30 years ago, I couldn’t remember.
There was a hint from my research that I may have flown from London to Dublin that weekend. I verified this from financial records.
Exploring a clue
And then my hypothesis – was it the death of a beloved couple’s son, Paul? Did he die then, coming up to that weekend? I rang the young man’s mother. She confirmed it was the date her son had died.
I was glad that something so important hadn’t been forgotten but could be acknowledged and remembered in my book.
Understanding life looking back
Reading my work this week, my wife and I realized how close Paul’s death came after the death of her sister and my colleague from school. It had never struck us before.
Value of all records
Had I not kept and trawled through financial records for journeys undertaken, Ruth’s phone call would have remained a mystery. I would have had to delete it. And the death of a loved one in the lives of significant people in my life would not have been acknowledged in my book.
Update on my book
My second memoir, Saved by a Woman, is now 80 per cent written.
Joe Armstrong’s first memoir is In My Gut, I Don’t Believe. For reviews, see here. He is currently writing his second memoir, Saved by a Woman.