Love and Loneliness: A Month Apart
Finding Connection and Support Across Continents and Communities
Hi there,
The love of my life is still in Australia with our daughter. After midnight last night I was chatting with and seeing both of them on WhatsApp, taking screenshots.
The Wonders of Modern Communication
Because of the taken-for-granted wonders of modern communications, we can, and do, send each other photos and videos instantly.
Sharing Moments Across Continents
Sarah spotted a dolphin swimming with surfers the other day.
Sarah captured on video a dolphin off the coast of Australia. It headed towards surfers to her left and swam with them! Video © Sarah Armstrong
I sent them the video of the fox in our garden that I spotted last week, and another video of the fresh leaves sprung forth on the 30 trees Ruth and I planted last Spring.
The 30 trees we planted just a few months ago are flourishing with fresh new leaves. Video © Joe Armstrong
Peace of Mind with Technology
For peace of mind and safety, I can see where my wife and daughter are, using Google Maps, so if they disappear off the face of the earth, I can tell the Aussie cops where to start looking for them.
Coping with Discombobulation
Having felt discombobulated following Ruth’s departure to Oz two weeks ago, I’m feeling somewhat better now—and thanks to readers and friends who got in touch with me following my Substack last week.
The Impact of Temporary Separation
Living alone for a month, my initial reaction was of disorientation. When you enjoy an interdependent relationship and your soulmate is absent and far away for an extended period, it’s a mini-bereavement. But I remember from my time working with bereaved people as a Marist student learning that there’s no such thing as a ‘mini-bereavement’. It’s a bereavement.
My other half is missing for a month and that is somewhat stupefying and disconcerting. Like you’re dancing with someone and you suddenly have to dance alone.
Reflecting on Solitude and Relationship
I do like my privacy and solitude. Nevertheless my head was spinning for the first week or more. How lucky I am that it’s only for a month. How catastrophic it must feel to lose your beloved life partner through death. I’ve warned my beloved: if she dies before me, I’ll murder her!
I have lived many solitary years (with a vow of celibacy!) and yearned to be in relationship with someone. When you find that someone, you’re lucky. Like the man who says, ‘I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich and rich is better.’ Well, I say, I’ve been alone and I’ve been in a happy relationship and being with her beats being alone hands down.
The Value of Love
Love is a precious thing. It’s a gift. It enriches life. It gives life its meaning. It’s a support, a radical encouragement, a confirmation, a call to become one’s best self.
With love, the relationship is more than the sum of its parts. One and one does make three. Which is why the absence of the beloved feels like Three has been knocked back to one.
Anyway, I’m a lucky fellah. The best years of my life have been since I met Ruth; which is now more than half my life.
Suggestion for Finding Love
And if there is something in this for others, it may be this: to the person who feels that love is not for them, as I felt for a very long time, prepare to be surprised. We’re surrounded by love. Be open to possibilities. Be yourself. Trust yourself. Maybe buy yourself some nice clothes. And go meet people! Chance favours the prepared.
Welcoming Friends
I’m really looking forward to a great old friend’s arrival tomorrow. My lovely wife prepared a bed for her before she headed off.
I told my friend that she’s welcome to stay ‘for as long as you wish, ideally causing tongues to wag and brows to raise in salacious gossip and innuendo’.
Reconnecting with Hobbies and Friends
Another great friend is coming over next Monday, and my cycling buddy called a few days ago urging me to get the cobwebs off my bike. It’s been parked too long. I’ve always loved cycling. Time to get on my bike again.
Toastmasters Conference Experience
And last Friday, after reading my Substack, a Toastmaster friend phoned me to invite me over for a cuppa. Yet to arrange details! I was on my way to the Toastmaster’s District 71 conference in Portlaoise.
The Toastmasters Community
Toastmasters helps people develop their public speaking skills. Our District comprises all of Ireland and most of Britain, including Scotland, much of Wales, and most of England. It has more than 200 clubs and 4,500 Toastmaster members.
It was the first time I’d attended a District conference, the highpoints of which, for me, were the Humorous and International Speech contests. Contestants were those who had triumphed at Club, Area and Division levels, so the standard was astronomical.
I was there as an ordinary member, not a contestant. I find Toastmasters a great friendship circle for me, where I find camaraderie, support and encouragement. People go the extra mile for one another. At least, that is my experience. I feel supported by my local club in Navan and my local Area, which includes Castleknock and Phoenix-Tara. At the conference, I also felt vibes of comfort and support from friends old and new.
Conclusion
It feels like my tribe.
Happy days,
Joe
P.S. Goodnight love!
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