Call and response
I recently attended the funeral of a lovely human being. Isn’t it strange the way a death brings the living together? A call goes out and we receive the news. We set aside our plans for the day, confirm funeral arrangements, tell those who need to be told and head to the funeral.
Familiar faces, forgotten names
There, we see familiar faces. Dredge our memory for names. Is that Paddy? Gosh, there’s John – how he has aged! Crikey, it’s Pete: looks the very same! Goodness, could that be Patricia? Haven’t seen her in 20 years. The handshaking, nods and greeting. ‘How’s your family?’ And questions about the deceased: ‘Was it fast?’ ‘Was he in pain?’
The dead gather us
The dead gather us. Their last gift to us. Bidding us to meet up again with friends and relatives, people we’re fond of or loved. We drift towards those we loved, who accepted us, with whom we journeyed for a while. We’re struck people we’re fond of are alive. We see them too rarely!
Reconnecting with people
The deceased presides over the gathering. Perhaps with open coffin, we face our inevitable end. ‘Would you recognize him?’ ‘Ah, poor Brian.’ Our last sight of him. Then the ceremony. The singing, readings and prayers.
You’re glad you went. Reconnected with people. It was good to attend. You were part of it. Appreciated those who came up to you. Glad you greeted people.
We belong to one another
We return home sad but comforted. We’re nourished by renewing friendships; we’re reconciled by turning up. We shared chapters in our lives together. We belong to one another. We matter to them. They matter to us. We’re happy they’re still alive. They know us, maybe very well. We may know them too to their core.
Relationships, old and new
A funeral brings healing. We are re-knit by the gathering. Validated in our choices. Affirmed in our life. Glad, too, for the wider relationships in our lives, for people past and present, friends and loved ones, old and new.
From “In My Gut, I Don’t Believe” by Joe Armstrong. Originally published in memory of Brian Keenan, Marist priest, 15 July 1943 – 14 August 2009. Republished here today, 14 April 2023, in memory of Stephen Brennan, whose funeral today in Oristown, County Meath, gathered his dear family and many friends to celebrate his life.