We Learn More by Losing than by Winning
Trust Your Gut!
Hi there,
Samuel Beckett said: ‘Fail better!’ For anyone to achieve anything worthwhile, they need first to fail repeatedly. Failures continue even after we succeed. Thomas Edison famously regarded each failure as one step closer to success.
The ease with which we accept failure is a good indicator of how successful we’ll likely be. People skilled in foreign languages embrace their mistakes. Great sports professionals frequently acknowledge how much they had to lose before reaching the pinnacle of their sport.
Winning and Losing
On 6 November, I won my local Toastmasters club’s humorous speech contest. But on 13 November, I bombed at the Area contest.
This experience left me reflecting and learning.
The Club Contest: Lessons in Laughter
My club contest speech wasn’t what I expected. While it earned some laughs and the win, it didn’t land as strongly as I’d hoped. Comparing it to past successes, I felt it fell short.
I decided right there to deliver a different speech at the Area contest the following week.
To Write or Not to Write a New Speech?
Despite my resolution, I found myself the next morning brainstorming how to improve the old speech.
This back-and-forth echoed a pattern from my first memoir, In My Gut, I Don’t Believe: deciding one thing, only to revisit it repeatedly. By Friday morning, however, my journal recorded:
“My intention is to write a whole new script to deliver next Wednesday.”
Facing the Challenge
Writing, memorizing, and rehearsing a brand-new speech in under a week felt daunting, but not impossible. I’d done something similar 40 years ago for a Gay Byrne RTE Radio contest, which unexpectedly sparked my passion for writing.
I journaled:
“I want people to laugh—that’s why I was disappointed at the club contest. There was laughter, but less than I’d hoped.”
The pressure to write something better was palpable.
Collaborating with Celebrants
Drawing inspiration from my past winning speeches, I reached out to Humanist celebrant colleagues for funny wedding anecdotes. Their responses gave me an abundance of material.
Still, as I sifted through ideas early Saturday morning, doubts lingered. Should I commit to the new speech or stick with the original?
Second-Guessing My Gut
My journal from Saturday reflected my uncertainty:
“Not for the first time in my life, I’m unsure! Ha! Ha!”
Two trusted friends reassured me that my club speech had potential, even predicting it could go far in the competition. They hesitated to provide detailed feedback, fearing it might derail me.
Despite my gut telling me to move on, their confidence swayed me back to my original speech.
Old Patterns Resurface
This internal struggle reminded me of a similar dilemma in my twenties. My spiritual director believed in my priestly vocation, and for a while, so did I. But ultimately, I trusted my doubts, leaving that path and building a fulfilling life outside it.
Now, 30 years later, I found myself repeating the pattern: sidelining my instincts in favour of others’ opinions, which I had sought.
The Lesson: Trust Your Gut
Reflecting on this experience, I see a clear lesson: trust your gut. I’ve learned this before, but life just gave me an intensive refresher course.
And if I don’t follow my instincts? Well, there’s no one to blame but myself.
Happy days!
Joe
#ItsAWonderfulLifeAChristmasTale
Listen to our love song/wedding song/wedding anniversary song So Glad I Married You on Spotify or YouTube, sung by The Rayne.
Listen to our marriage proposal song/ wedding engagement song /love song Every Moment, sung by The Rayne.
Joe’s acclaimed first memoir In My Gut, I Don’t Believe is available on Amazon in Kindle, Paperback, Hardback and Audible editions. His second memoir Saved by a Woman is available on Amazon in Kindle, Paperback, and Hardback editions.
